Sunday, March 28, 2010

Where's the cherry?

From Family Pictures
Eight years ago today, I lost the one person I thought I'd grow old with. The person who knew my past better than I did, my present and we'd share the future.  The person I could just glance at and he'd know what I was words were even needed.  On this day, I lost my big brother (Joe as he was called after he left for college; Joey as I still call him).  He had a short and fierce battle with cancer (that word still causes my chest to ache)...the same cancer that took my grandfather when he was 61:  cancer of the esophagus. The thing about esophageal cancer - by the time you're diagnosed with it, you're typically in the final stages of it.  Or, at least that's what happened to my grandfather and my brother.

Life is a funny little thing...even when bad things happen, you still have to move forward.  Time keeps moving.  Losing a family member is no different, no matter how gut wrenching and unbelievably hard it is, you have to readjust and march on.  Time doesn't necessarily ease the pain ~ perhaps it numbs it.  I still go to call Joey.  I long to hear his voice.  A lot of things have happened since he died that I wish he had been here to help me with.  Sometimes, though I know it wasn't his choice to die from cancer, I get mad that he left me to handle it all.

My life is ok (fine, good, etc.), but it is missing something (someone) and that is not going to change.  No matter how great things go for me in this life, something (someone) will always be missing.  It's like having an ice cream sundae w/o having the cherry on the top.  It's still good, but something is missing.

From Family Pictures
On this day, I get a little melancholy.  
I miss my brother and I'll grieve for the hole his death left in our lives.  It won't be a sad day, just one with a few ups and downs.  I rejoice in knowing he was a Christian and I will see him again.

You never know what life will throw at you.  Enjoy your sundae with the cherry while you have it.  Embrace your loved ones and let them know you love them.  Treasure those God has placed in your life.

(If you have a long time to read, I invite you to check out an earlier post where I share more about my brother and my testimony.  It's pretty lengthy.  Joey's life verse: "I will never leave you nor forsake you.")


Andrea said...

I have an urgent prayer request on arise 2 write.

Shannon said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I fully understand the hole in your life, I have a huge one myself.

I don't know if you'll remember me or not, but I found my way here by an interesting path. I was browsing the archives of my favorite blog a few days ago when I saw a comment you made on a post from 2008. It wasn't the comment so much as the name and picture. Somehow even though the name was not the one I knew and the picture was practically microscopic, I felt like I knew you. So, I clicked on your name and said "Yeah, Cathy MORGAN, I went to school with her. She was in my Biology class." I didn't think much about it at the time, just "how cool is that ,what a small world". Then today I was looking over the website of a church we are thinking about attending and followed a link to Mary Snyder's blog where, lo and behold, I see you in the comments AGAIN! So, I came over to say "hi". BTW, that first blog I noticed you on? Cakewrecks. :)

Cathy Davis said...

Shannon - what a small world!!! Mary & I met online through Beth Moore's Living Proof Ministry blog! She's a treasure (Beth Moore and Mary Snyder).

Thank you so much for popping over and leaving me a comment. I'm blown away!

I'm still laughing at the microscopic picture - they are small, huh?

I'm gonna bounce over to your little world and say hi!

quilly said...

I don't think one ever heals after the death of a loved one. We just learn to cope. Some cope better than others, but I think we all carry empty places as memorials to lost loves, be they parent, sibling, spouse of friend. I said a payer for you.

PJ said...

Hey Cathy! I understand your grief. I lost my mom over 40 years ago to Cirrhosis of the liver. I was 13 years old at the time. I have never gotten over it. I still miss her. I don't believer it gets "easier, or that they get over it". I think we just learn to "cope with the idea of their being "intangible". I use that term because I like to think of my mom still being with me and around me. I know that according to the Bible she is "asleep" and unfortunately, I can't even say whether or not with the Lord, because I never saw her go to church, she was an alcoholic, and I don't know if she ever repented. I like to think so and that we will see each other again, but alas I don't know for sure. As you say, take comfort in KNOWING that you and your brother will see each other again.
Love & Prayers,